Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
