At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
