I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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