I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
