Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
