So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
