Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
