her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
