my phone needs a breathalizer
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize