I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
