If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
