weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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