That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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