Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment