OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
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