god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
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Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
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So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..