Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Is that you in the white hat?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Fine suit yourself

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  (248): Is that you in the white hat? (248): Fine suit yourself http://tfl.nu/yncz
  Replies (3) Good night (1186) Bad night (1576)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.

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  (843): Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table. http://tfl.nu/84sw
  Replies (13) Good night (2714) Bad night (1164)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit

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  (937): don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit http://tfl.nu/p5pp
  Replies (18) Good night (3788) Bad night (849)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval

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  (919): Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval http://tfl.nu/opwb
  Replies (7) Good night (7138) Bad night (797)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward

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  (732): Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward http://tfl.nu/ic98
  Replies (6) Good night (2296) Bad night (1920)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven

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  (574): im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven http://tfl.nu/dx1t
  Replies (6) Good night (4202) Bad night (884)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons

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  (203): I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons http://tfl.nu/atte
  Replies (5) Good night (2910) Bad night (1029)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?

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  (856): I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right? http://tfl.nu/8yrh
  Replies (11) Good night (1412) Bad night (615)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader

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  (484): Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader http://tfl.nu/1luq
  Replies (6) Good night (1038) Bad night (567)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.

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  (918): She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup. http://tfl.nu/rkhg
  Replies (8) Good night (824) Bad night (1566)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"

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  (440): That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone" http://tfl.nu/gip2
  Replies (7) Good night (642) Bad night (1471)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?

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  (712): Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow? http://tfl.nu/ikca
  Replies (2) Good night (831) Bad night (622)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night

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  (248): So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night http://tfl.nu/96c5
  Replies (5) Good night (342) Bad night (818)
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  (721): View more from

  I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix

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  (721): I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix http://tfl.nu/vrhy
  Replies (5) Good night (702) Bad night (362)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.

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  (801): Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight. http://tfl.nu/r4nr
  Replies (5) Good night (290) Bad night (666)

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