Texts From Last Night

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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.

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  (901): Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome. http://tfl.nu/dlib
  Replies (23) Good night (1610) Bad night (3275)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy

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  (778): I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy http://tfl.nu/o3jf
  Replies (19) Good night (5622) Bad night (1270)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.

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  (229): Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment. http://tfl.nu/tuh7
  Replies (39) Good night (11968) Bad night (832)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  What?!

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!

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  (913): Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom... (1-913): What?! (913): Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!! http://tfl.nu/4m0s
  Replies (35) Good night (991) Bad night (8942)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...

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  (705): APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk... http://tfl.nu/biv4
  Replies (5) Good night (3653) Bad night (916)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.

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  (817): I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth. http://tfl.nu/n8z4
  Replies (15) Good night (1012) Bad night (4290)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom

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  (630): She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom http://tfl.nu/xz6e
  Replies (22) Good night (4636) Bad night (1018)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".

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  (617): my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl". http://tfl.nu/voy6
  Replies (12) Good night (5632) Bad night (1079)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though

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  (704): I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though http://tfl.nu/2ftm
  Replies (2) Good night (869) Bad night (1178)
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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.

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  (731): Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me. http://tfl.nu/smua
  Replies (4) Good night (1518) Bad night (401)
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  (518): View more from New York

  If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.

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  (518): If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon. http://tfl.nu/vgjv
  Replies (3) Good night (324) Bad night (694)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?

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  (218): Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young? http://tfl.nu/34pp
  Replies (17) Good night (1512) Bad night (371)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket

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  (412): i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket http://tfl.nu/c231
  Replies (11) Good night (1133) Bad night (261)
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  (718): View more from New York

  He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina

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  (718): He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina http://tfl.nu/wn6v
  Replies (7) Good night (290) Bad night (746)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.

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  (804): The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me. http://tfl.nu/s0vs
  Replies (1) Good night (524) Bad night (227)

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