Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Drunk is not a location!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
