look no pants
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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