I looked at my own cervix.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Drunk is not a location!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
