Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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