Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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