My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
