I feel great
I just peed on a car
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
