Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
