OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
