sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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