those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
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I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
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I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize