we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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