is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
