i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
