There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The power of my boobs compel you
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
