'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
