He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Holy sore nipples Batman
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
