It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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