you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
3pm strippers are depressing
Mom said you looked used
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
