She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
handjob tips. give me some.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
