so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
