office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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