I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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