The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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