like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
