I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
