you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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