i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
