sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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