One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
