i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
