Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
