You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
