Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
