we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The beer is more important than you right now.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
