if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The police scanner is talking about you again....
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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