Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
