you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
