My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
