I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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