Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
