if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
3 2 1 whiskey
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
