the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
