I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
