my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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