Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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