Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
