Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
