no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
