Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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