I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
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I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
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Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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