names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
