im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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