they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Randomize
