I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
