Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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