i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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