All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
