Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
