they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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