i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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