but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
