at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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