Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
