when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
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He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
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Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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