I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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