the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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