Where is the hickey?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
