Everything about him screamed your future.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
